Until we have had at least a Satori, we have absolutely no idea who or
what we are, and how we are behaving. Unconscious to the fact that we
are unconscious to the fact.
Until we are actually living in a moment to moment state of awakening, we
are presented by our automatic behaviour/character/personality.
Until we have had our awakening we are always being us – the old, the
familiar, the habitual, the usual – predicable. When we are awake there is no ‘us’
– there just is. Still a unique being-ness, but the being-ness is not primary.
When most of us speak, most of the time we are talking from an old fixed
place in ourselves. Without realising it, we tailor every new situation to
this fixed attitude. Everything we express has the matrix of our old
habitual way of expressing ourselves. It takes the new subject and
squeezes it into the old pattern of our habitual behaviour. If we are
automatically negative or over enthusiastic, this attitude colours almost
everything we say and do.
It is not fresh, juicy and unique to the new situation.
When a reply is unique to the current event ,it has an air of fresh
delight. “As a little child.”
How to check out this pattern in ourselves? Same old way – slow down,
and become unconditionally aware, listening to every single syllable we utter
– and if it not fresh and appropriate to this very present moment, don’t
utter it.
One way of seeing it more clearly is, when you have visitors, set up a
video camera to record everything you say and do. Then, preferably when
alone, play it back to yourself. As I have shared before, we used to do
this in our group meetings sometimes. Shattering. Many were shocked into
tears when they saw themselves and how embarrassingly automatic they were.
That old tone of voice – ‘that is not me!’
Right, it is not ‘you’ but it certainly is the way you behave.
At first it is paralysing. When you start to really hear yourself, you are
overwhelmingly embarrassed at how automatic and unconscious you have/are
being. Takes a bit of practice – to be your unconditionally-in-the- moment
unique self.
“Slow down your going too fast, got to make the morning last, haven’t you
no time for me (you), doodle-e-do-do – feeling groovy…”
Simon & Garfunkel.