A friend shared:
“I am a mother with two children and my little son of 14 years. I had immediately
the picture it was ont he football place last sunday. And normally he is a very
smart boy and then he was fouled and then after the play he went on the place
and he wanted to beat the other boy and he cried: I will kill You and he was so
out of him. And I tried to get him off and it was nearly not possible.
And the fact now, not to use the word “problem”, the fact is for me it’s really
difficult. I can’t connect with him in the moment because he says: this is right.
And you with your love and all these words. And for me the fact is that it is very
difficult because I find: it’s not ok.”
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Part of his anger is to do with the way you’ve brought him up. We are programmed
to control our children, and we are crippling them. The anger builds up out of
frustration. “No! No! No!” It’s all that anger there. And the anger needs to get
out or it will kill him. As he gets older it will turn into an illness. It needs to come out.
Our whole system is to cripple the child. We are terrified of a live people. Of creative
people. We want predictable people. We want well-behaved people. We want people
that we know how they are going to be, and that—and they get bored. So they look
to be wild.
There is also –we’ll just divert for a minute–there are also studies being done now,
with testosterone and also some to some other, that roughly between the ages of
13 and 17, most boys are going to be in trouble. They are going to be. They need
trouble. They have got so much energy. And we say, you can’t have sex. Just when
this energy is bursting inside, we say no. What can they do with it? It goes into
trouble. We’re bringing up our children in a very perverted way.
What we call backward tribes are much more forward than we are.
They say you’ve got sexual energy? Have sex. We’ll tell you about pregnancy,
and we’ll tell you about this and tell you about that, but it’s your life. Carry on.
But we don’t do that. We say no, no, no. This is the law, this is the religion, this is…
He’s fuming inside. So somebody gives him a good excuse to get angry- they foul
him. He has an excuse, and it comes bursting out. It needs to come out. Try and
divert it so it doesn’t damage the other person, but don’t stop it. That’s what the
energy is. It’s energy that goes inside. He doesn’t want to listen. He doesn’t want
to hear no, no, no. His energy is bursting inside.
Now, a woman doesn’t understand what it is like to be a 13-year-old. You can’t,
because you don’t have that sort of energy. It’s painful. And they are maturing
earlier and earlier. I mean painful. They see an attractive woman, or an attractive
girl, and they’re in pain. With this passion. Their whole animal instinct is to have
sex. That’s what it’s about. And we say, that’s wrong! That’s wrong! Well, where
do you think the energy goes? It goes into anger. It goes into perversion. If we’d
been encouraged to be natural we wouldn’t have perversion. We wouldn’t have
rapes. We wouldn’t need to. But our society messes it up and blames the people
when they release the energy. And we are doing that. And we’ve got to mature.
We’ve got to grow up. We’re so slow to learn. It’s not working. Our system is not
working. We’ve got to have a look at it.
Now the system is very difficult but you can start to look how you are with this
child. You’ve got to become the child. You got to have the same sensations. You’ve
got to feel them. You’ve got to be inside, (asking) “What’s it like to be you?” And
then you’ll feel love for them. You’ll feel caring for them. But to be against them.
And of course, it’s out of caring. You don’t want them into trouble. But they’re
going to get into more trouble. So many kids steal cars and rob and break in
and things. All because they got this energy. It needs to happen.
Tune into him. Say, “Well, what does it feel like in there? What do you want to do?
What can we do about it? Can we take you somewhere? Can we go on a holiday?
Can we do some sort of thing to release that energy? What he is coming into, he
wants sex. And society doesn’t allow it. That’s what he wants. That’s what’s natural.
That’s what’s happening. Chemicals are releasing in there, and we say, “No, you can’t
do that.” And that will affect him for the rest of life. To find a person who is sexually
balanced is almost impossible. Everybody is perverted. Guilty. (They) don’t give
themselves freedom to feel what they are feeling when they feel it. You have no idea
how sick this planet is. It’s incredibly sick. But because it’s normal…
But this is you. This is an individual. This is your son. You need to tune in. You’ve got
to say, whatever we’ve done, we’ve done. What can we do now? Start now. And
you’ve got to talk. And you’ve got to talk. And listen. You’ve got to listen. Shouts and
screams—he’s rebellious. That is OK, keep listening. Keep listening. He’s in pain.
And the other thing is: somehow, you’ve got to not take it so seriously. Like: “Oh, you
really got going then, didn’t you. That was anger all right. That was a good one.”
Be with him. See, the only thing that ever heals is love. And as soon as you start to get
concerned and you pull away, there’s no connection there. So forget being a mother.
Be a friend.
Sometimes, mothers are not very nice people. Often you don’t tune into them. You don’t
know what it’s like to be a man. You don’t know what it’s like to be a boy. You think
he’s a woman in a male body. He’s not!
We don’t see each other. We don’t hear each other. We don’t love each other. Listen,
tune in. Be with him. See where that energy wants to go. And instead of running up
against it, go with it somehow.
And you do care. See, there’s two things. Many mothers do care. That’s practically the
only love we have on the planet is from mother to their children. Hardly any other love.
When you say, I’m in love with this person, it’s not love. Love is unconditional. Love
doesn’t say, “you can’t go and sleep with this person.” Love says: “You are attracted to
someone else? That’s what you need to do.” Very rare. We do have it with mothers with
children. But not 100 percent by any means. Because mothers are too lost in their own
stuff. Love is unconditional. So, look… listen… Be with him.
Caring is: I care for you. What is your maximum potential? What do you need to do?
Concern says, I don’t want you to get into trouble because I’ll feel bad. That’s not love.
That’s not caring. That’s to do with you. And it still doesn’t matter, but you have got to
see the difference.
Because he’ll know the difference, even if he doesn’t know the difference. He‘ll feel the
difference. That’s the other thing, you see. When we grow up, we forget what it’s like to
be a child. They are incredibly sensitive. They can pick up what you are thinking. You say
one thing and if you are thinking something else, they know it. They know it. But we are all
too busy. We are stressed. We can’t handle our own lives. We need experts. We’ve got to
move into communes. We need the people who love to deal with the children, and the
people who love to garden. And the people who love painting….We’ve got to have people
who love what they do. And some people love children, they love kids, they love being
with them.
So, your heart is good, and you’ve got a bit fixed. A bit worried about it. Relax, and
something new will happen.
Do you know, he’s changing now? As you change, he will change. We’re all in touch with
each other. Especially mothers with sons. The connection is very strong.
We’re all in touch. So let the concern go. Stop trying to fix things. Start to be with them.