Hi Love,
You say: ”she keeps breaking up with me ( hard to do since we aren’t going together) and I keep wishing her to be happy, and she keeps coming back to be with me. I think this is a short testimonial to being open with your lover without resisting change when it comes. ”
As you now know, as soon as you become to attached, to anybody, or anything, you are, at least potentially if not actually, in trouble. The general edict is that it is not possible to “go deep” without being attached. Just the opposite is true. Depth does not have to do with time or attachment, it has to do with letting go, everything, and be totally in the present. With attachment one is just attached to the fantasy, the dream, the projection, of how you would like the circumstances and the other person to be. Attachment is very, very basic, but because that is the way people think they would like it to be it is programmed and taken to be that way, and is the norm.
You say: ”The next is more significant to me… which is my fear of death is involved with being there to take care of my children on a cellular level. I feel it genetically this responsibility to love and be there for my children. ”
Ditto to the previous statement about attachment — and how arrogant my love to even think that they need you! Your attachment is to do with you, not them. It is much more likely that you have overprotected them already. In the local markets they have signs on the plants that proclaim: “ These plants have been grown outdoors. ” If you grow plants in a greenhouse it is then difficult to get them to establish happily in the more challenging climate of the outdoors — which is where they belong.
We mature and grow much more through the experience of not having things turn out the way we would like them to. We grow and expand through difficulties.
And, of course, you know all this. Just reminding.
Sending you lots of love and encouragement… paul