Hi Love.
You write:
“I rarely feel strong sexual desire, only a desire to be close and connect. And I often find that more in just being physically close to someone, rather than being sexual. When a situation becomes conventionally sexual and there is arousal on either or both sides I can enjoy it but I often find fear there and my mind becomes engaged in what I think I should be doing / should want / should be. And then the connection is lost. There is a lot of stuff there for me, a lot that I have discovered and more to come no doubt.”
The way I see it is, we are here to be our own unique selves. If we have the courage to be ourselves then we are all magnificent. Everyone. If we are overly influenced by anybody or anything else, and want their approval then we are mediocre and boring. And we have enough people at that stage on the planet already.
To be your own unique self you have to be aware, in each moment, of where you are not being yourself. Watching the thoughts, words and actions, and being ready to feel, say, and act unconditionally to the way you really are. Your truth of that very moment — whatever the consequences.
We have not had many people like that on the planet, and those that we have had have usually been persecuted. Although eventually they are our inspiration. We worship what we interpret what we would liked them to have said! Jesus was not a Christian, he was born into a Jewish family, but he was not Jewish either. Or Buddha Buddhist. And so on.
So the question is, are you going to be uncompromisingly yourself, or mediocre. That may sound like an equal choice, but it is not. If you are yourself you will expand, always be on an adventure, mature and grow younger. If you are mediocre and not living your truth you will feel unfulfilled, grow old, unhappy, and usually, unhealthy. Not much of a choice is it really — yet most choose the latter.
Another point.
It often happens that when we see someone to whom we are attracted we project a future. It can be a positive one or a negative one. Either way we are not seeing that person, as they really are in that moment.
If it is a positive projection then we project our fantasy of how we would like our perfect partner to be, and that is what we experience. It just includes the other as something on which to hang our ideas.
If it is a negative one it can go like this:
I do feel attracted. They are good to look at and I feel stirrings in my genitals. But if I keep looking at them I may want to speak to them. If I speak to them I may want to talk and spend time. If I spend time I may want to be in bed with them. If I am in bed with them they may expect to have sex with me — and I am not sure I want to have sex with them.
So I will not look at them!
Be and live in each moment, and enjoy it. Don’t project. When it is uncomfortable, or not appropriate, that is the time to say something.
They maybe wonderful company to talk to and be with — and you have missed what is there because of what may not be there. In Each Moment.
Whether you are going to accept it or not, you are young, beautiful, have a presence, and have a lot of your intelligence available. It is up to you how you intend to develop. The younger you start the better. Like, now.
If you do not feel strong sexual energy it can be one of many things. One may be that you may have had unpleasant sexual experiences that you may, or may not remember — this life or another. Or you may be one of those who came into the planet in a higher vibration. Either way, the situation is the same: be yourself.
If you choose not to share how you feel, in the moment, then there are all sorts of consequences. In the moment, and later. Of course you want to be ‘normal’ and blend in with everyone. But do you really want that? Really? Look around. These disturbed unhappy people, in unhappy relationships are what is called normal.
So if you want your maximum potential, be and say your truth,
In Each Moment.
I enjoyed your email. I feel your truth. With that honesty you and I can connect.
And, dare to put out for what you want, and don’t want. Easy.
I send you much tender love…
Paul