Hi Love,
What you describe is typical of the Dark Night of the Soul. A few people are now going into this. Historically very few hang in long enough to go through it. As you are waking up the old way does not function anymore. It never did!
Of course you feel disillusioned with everything — the way you have been experiencing everything is just a projection of the way you have conditioned to see everything — by people who are not awake to reality. The old you is disintegrating. It has to go before the new emerges. Then that will go as well! Give up — there is no meaning — to anything. Everything just is. This is it!
Look around for your gratefulness. Everything is wonderful when you just see it as it is. You say that as you write you start to feel better. It is just remembering. Wonderful stuff. What you are going through is natural — for what you are going through!
Sending much love and encouragement… paul