Please consider this possibility – especially as it is now being supported
by science. We do not hear each other, we only hear ourselves.
We assume we understand what the other is saying, and draw our conclusions
– from what we just assume they mean.
Here is the physical phenomenon.
When you have a thought that you feel to share, that impulse passes from
that part of the brain to another part that sets in motion a series of
chemical/electrical/physical events that vibrate your vocal cords in a certain
way. No sound issues from your vocal cords – only vibrational frequencies.
These frequencies travel through the air to the person with whom you wish
to communicate. Check again – not sound, not words – just frequencies.
The receiving mechanism of the person who tunes in to the frequencies is
then stimulated. The ears collect the frequencies; a bone in the ear
resonates; small hairs vibrate; the vibration travels via electrical and
and chemical means to another part of the brain – that translates the
incoming signal into sound.
(Please note – there is no sound out there – just frequencies. Same with
colour. No colour out there, our brains create them.)
That part of the brain then translates the sounds into words.
If the language is not programmed in, then all you hear is a jumble of
sounds. If it is a language that is programmed in, then the language is
sent to another part of the brain – that translates the words into meaning.
Now here’s the thing – the translation is yours. You are deciding,
according to your programming and interpretation, what the other person is
attempting to convey to you.
We have about four descriptions of snow. The Eskimos have sixty-one.
And we have even fewer words for describing love.
When a person says they love you it can mean many different things – and
the assumption we make is based on our understanding – rarely theirs.
Same with the written word. We assume we know what the other is attempting
to convey.
Suggestion. Just for one day (or, ideally, the rest of your life) assume
that you do not automatically know what the other is attempting to share,
and listen. Really, really listen. And assume that you do not know the
nuances of what they are attempting to convey.
Even if it is obvious to you that the other is not very awake, they may
have had an experience you have not (unless you have been heavily addicted
to a substance it is almost impossible to emphasise with some who has/is)
and there maybe something there for you.
One of our ways to cover up our fear is – arrogance.